Jealousy hit both men and women of all ages and is typically aggravated when a person interprets a potential threat to a valued relationship. Some people believe that jealousy is merely about being protective while others are convinced that it’s a symbol of love—either way, psychologists contend that it is a misconception. There are psychological factors that it is rooted from and it has very little to do with a person’s partner.
For the most part, jealousy’s wicked presence can be a huge problem of a relationship. According to marital therapists, about a third of their clients have a serious problem in romantic jealousy. Gwendolyn Siedman PhD., associate professor of psychology at Albright College, tracks down few traits that fuel jealousy:
- Low self-confidence
- Insecurity and possessiveness
- Feelings of inadequacy in the relationship
- Anxious attachment
According to Siedman, these factors are about the issues or insecurities of jealous people within themselves and not about the “love” they feel toward their partners.
If your partner is exhibiting jealousy, understand that it doesn’t have much to say about you (unless they have the reasons to) but it’s more about them. According to studies, reassuring your partner may lead to more stable relationships. In short, it can help minimize the insecurity in the relationship.
On the other hand, if you are the ones experiencing jealousy and monitoring your partner’s Facebook, here are some things you can do about it:
Examine and work on yourself. This means identifying specific areas in your life that gives you inadequate self-esteem as well as the relationship. Work on addressing those issues and find ways that can work best for you.
Talk to your partner. Communication in any relationship is the key but “the way you talk is crucial.” If you show anger, suspicion, accusation and sarcasm that will never help. Calmly discuss your feelings and talk about how you can work together in finding a solution. This will enable your partner to understand your behavior and give you satisfaction as you release your inner thoughts.
Get your partner’s attention. Grab your partner’s attention by finding something that cause attraction. Researcher Xun Huang, PhD, investigated and found out that purchasing eye-grabbing products (e.g. bright colored coat) more likely recaptured the attention of their loved ones. This might be a way to ignite lost attention and excitement.
In other cases, jealousy can also be justified. History of betrayal from a former or present lover can be a serious deal in the relationship. But when jealousy strikes over petty things or circumstances with no strong basis, it’s neither a sign of protectiveness nor love; it’s a revelation of self-inadequacy.